Social: 0 pts
If I were an RPG character my social stat would be the one I've thrown away to min/max my nerd and lewd stats. I assume this is common for many of the obsessed and depressed to choose as a stat for loss, but... I'm noticing it more lately. I have some of the best friends a person could ask for and apparently some ladies find me attractive, but I find the effort of communicating and doing more than just.... sleeping/playing solo games and sending the sparse "I'm alive" message to be difficult. The feeling of guilt sucks because I know that it's supposed to be easy and I'm supposed to want to connect with these lovely people.
My inner turmoil and confusion rises because I DO want to spend time with these people, but I don't want to talk. Ideally I just want to be in the same room in the proximity of those I love and not say a word. Perhaps an "I love you" and a "Hey you're neato" get thrown through the room, but for the most part I want to just.... be nearby. I love that feeling of closeness with no words. Turning on some simple music for the background and just grinding out levels together in a game or playing our own solo games.... That's my desire.
Damn physics. Someone with the mathematical genius the size of the collective milky way needs to get on that whole teleportation thing. I know that a teleportation device would need to be able to plot and calculate the position of the earth in the future/exact moment when you materialize on the other end lest you end up teleporting out into the vacuum of space and you end up creating a device that looks like you opened up the airlock of Earth... Don't do that...
I guess in conclusion, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to all those who think that I've ignored them or have stopped talking because I don't care. This list includes family, close friends, lovers, casual acquaintances.... I'm sorry that I'm bad at initiating conversation. I don't mean to stop talking and I don't mean to fail socially, but if I'm honest to myself and everyone else.... I'm likely not going to change. I'm twenty-six and my life is caked in chaos. I promise that I don't stop talking out of a lack of care or of disdain, I'm just easily distracted, fall asleep too quickly, and generally feel guilty about not being able to do the normal social thing.
To those who incessantly begin conversation and give me prompts for talking I am unendingly grateful. You are the reason I have anyone in my life and I appreciate your messages more than you may ever know.
My inner turmoil and confusion rises because I DO want to spend time with these people, but I don't want to talk. Ideally I just want to be in the same room in the proximity of those I love and not say a word. Perhaps an "I love you" and a "Hey you're neato" get thrown through the room, but for the most part I want to just.... be nearby. I love that feeling of closeness with no words. Turning on some simple music for the background and just grinding out levels together in a game or playing our own solo games.... That's my desire.
Damn physics. Someone with the mathematical genius the size of the collective milky way needs to get on that whole teleportation thing. I know that a teleportation device would need to be able to plot and calculate the position of the earth in the future/exact moment when you materialize on the other end lest you end up teleporting out into the vacuum of space and you end up creating a device that looks like you opened up the airlock of Earth... Don't do that...
I guess in conclusion, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to all those who think that I've ignored them or have stopped talking because I don't care. This list includes family, close friends, lovers, casual acquaintances.... I'm sorry that I'm bad at initiating conversation. I don't mean to stop talking and I don't mean to fail socially, but if I'm honest to myself and everyone else.... I'm likely not going to change. I'm twenty-six and my life is caked in chaos. I promise that I don't stop talking out of a lack of care or of disdain, I'm just easily distracted, fall asleep too quickly, and generally feel guilty about not being able to do the normal social thing.
To those who incessantly begin conversation and give me prompts for talking I am unendingly grateful. You are the reason I have anyone in my life and I appreciate your messages more than you may ever know.
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